Saturday, January 30, 2010

just for my roomate, Aini

(Unedited post….)

Just for my roommate and friend who is hurt right now, from far away in Shah Alam to Puncak Alam…

Aini…

I

AM

SO

SORRY

FOR

RUNNING

AWAY

TODAY

BECAUSE

I JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

Meeting my mom for just a brief seconds yesterday really breaks my heart, knowing that moment is the only time I can meet my mom, and amer, for this month. CNY break, and mid-sem break, I might not be able to come back to Terengganu, need to stay in Shah Alam since all of them will go to Kedah and mom said, you don’t need to come back to Terengganu. So no chance to meet them again. 2 weeks ago, I cant meet them because of BSMM, so I waited so eagerly for this weekend, but suddenly, knowing that a meeting need to be held on this day, I felt pain. But I just got along with it, since I know that I can still come back home but yesterday, in that meeting less than a minute, my sis said that she will be busy, couldn’t pick me up, and couldn’t sent me either on Sunday. So I don’t need to come home. And my mom also said the same thing. i don’t know why I’m so emotional that time, but to be able to see her face for a short time, kiss her cheeks for one time only, and shake amer hands once, they gave me the keropok lekor, have a short talk, why cant I come home today (yesterday), cant pick me up on Saturday, and need to rush home, and suddenly bye, bye, waves. No hugs, no kiss. My mom didn’t even get out from the car. Maybe I’m too emotional, ,maybe because I’m stressed, maybe because I have always tried to put my best front in front of people, saying I don’t mind, and I really wanted to believe it, but I guess reality, truth hurts a lot when it came crashing on you. Say things like I wont missed my mom that much, seems to be a total lie. Seeing her that short time, cant help me with my lies, my cheap lies that I really want to believe. Remember when I said that truth hurts? It’s true. Let me just tell you, that I have a total breakdown after that.

I REALLY WANT TO MEET MY MOM and amer…

Actually, I didn’t want to come home, but after a very long distressing time, lots of sensitive time, lots of tears, I finally managed to call out the courage to …as wawa, and I want to say it, run away from home. I think you notice. It doesn’t take a blind man/woman/in your case, young lady, to see that I avoided you like plague yesterday and this morning, after I met my mom yesterday. I stayed up late and long in the house next door, in the room next door, and even took a second bath last night. Because I don’t think I can see your face. Not because I hate you, but because I just cant help feeling hurt not able to meet my mom this weekend, and you somehow involve. I don’t blame you. I never blame you. I just cant see you. each time I saw you, I keep thinking about the meeting, and the meeting equal to me not able to see my mom again. I think I got some serious depression session yesterday. Trust me, you don’t want to know. I think.

Well, this is getting very long, and I just want to write a short apology post, but well I think my feeling get the best of me. I have plenty of things to write/type here, but I guess I stop. In short, conclusion, I just want to apologize. For everything. Please forgive me. You a good friend, a very good roommate, a good leader, and I really hope you can be forgiving to me again, for hurting your feelings again this past days.

I don’t mind working with BSMM. It gave me joy and sorrow, but that what make it more precious and money cant but experience. I met new people, and god knows how low my social skill/level is. I don’t think I can get involves in this kind of experience again in the future. But if I just bring the society down or slowed, and you want me to take actions, just tell me. I don’t want to cause problems to everyone involved.

I believe that if I dare to take an action, I should be brave to take the consequences. When the time comes for me to make a choice, I will make my own decision even if it will hurt someone else but believe me, I didn’t do it on purpose or because I want it to, it’s because I think that if you live your life suffering, forever trying to please everyone else, till when? Sometimes, you need to think of yourselves. Because the people you trying to please, may not be thinking about you at all.

A very long apology and explanations (parts of it) post to my dear roommate, Aini.

Hope she can understand.

for my roomate, aini

(Unedited post….)

Just for my roommate and friend who is hurt right now, from far away in Shah Alam to Puncak Alam…

Aini…

I

AM

SO

SORRY

FOR

RUNNING

AWAY

TODAY

BECAUSE

I JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

Meeting my mom for just a brief seconds yesterday really breaks my heart, knowing that moment is the only time I can meet my mom, and amer, for this month. CNY break, and mid-sem break, I might not be able to come back to Terengganu, need to stay in Shah Alam since all of them will go to Kedah and mom said, you don’t need to come back to Terengganu. So no chance to meet them again. 2 weeks ago, I cant meet them because of BSMM, so I waited so eagerly for this weekend, but suddenly, knowing that a meeting need to be held on this day, I felt pain. But I just got along with it, since I know that I can still come back home but yesterday, in that meeting less than a minute, my sis said that she will be busy, couldn’t pick me up, and couldn’t sent me either on Sunday. So I don’t need to come home. And my mom also said the same thing. i don’t know why I’m so emotional that time, but to be able to see her face for a short time, kiss her cheeks for one time only, and shake amer hands once, they gave me the keropok lekor, have a short talk, why cant I come home today (yesterday), cant pick me up on Saturday, and need to rush home, and suddenly bye, bye, waves. No hugs, no kiss. My mom didn’t even get out from the car. Maybe I’m too emotional, ,maybe because I’m stressed, maybe because I have always tried to put my best front in front of people, saying I don’t mind, and I really wanted to believe it, but I guess reality, truth hurts a lot when it came crashing on you. Say things like I wont missed my mom that much, seems to be a total lie. Seeing her that short time, cant help me with my lies, my cheap lies that I really want to believe. Remember when I said that truth hurts? It’s true. Let me just tell you, that I have a total breakdown after that.

I REALLY WANT TO MEET MY MOM and amer…

Actually, I didn’t want to come home, but after a very long distressing time, lots of sensitive time, lots of tears, I finally managed to call out the courage to …as wawa, and I want to say it, run away from home. I think you notice. It doesn’t take a blind man/woman/in your case, young lady, to see that I avoided you like plague yesterday and this morning, after I met my mom yesterday. I stayed up late and long in the house next door, in the room next door, and even took a second bath last night. Because I don’t think I can see your face. Not because I hate you, but because I just cant help feeling hurt not able to meet my mom this weekend, and you somehow involve. I don’t blame you. I never blame you. I just cant see you. each time I saw you, I keep thinking about the meeting, and the meeting equal to me not able to see my mom again. I think I got some serious depression session yesterday. Trust me, you don’t want to know. I think.

Well, this is getting very long, and I just want to write a short apology post, but well I think my feeling get the best of me. I have plenty of things to write/type here, but I guess I stop. In short, conclusion, I just want to apologize. For everything. Please forgive me. You a good friend, a very good roommate, a good leader, and I really hope you can be forgiving to me again, for hurting your feelings again this past days.

I don’t mind working with BSMM. It gave me joy and sorrow, but that what make it more precious and money cant but experience. I met new people, and god knows how low my social skill/level is. I don’t think I can get involves in this kind of experience again in the future. But if I just bring the society down or slowed, and you want me to take actions, just tell me. I don’t want to cause problems to everyone involved.

I believe that if I dare to take an action, I should be brave to take the consequences. When the time comes for me to make a choice, I will make my own decision even if it will hurt someone else but believe me, I didn’t do it on purpose or because I want it to, it’s because I think that if you live your life suffering, forever trying to please everyone else, till when? Sometimes, you need to think of yourselves. Because the people you trying to
please, may not be thinking about you at all.

A very long apology and explanations (parts of it) post to my dear roommate, Aini.

Hope she can understand.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

outing tasik shah alam d pukul 4 petang

jalan2 di taman tasik shah alam last saturday for some picture taking for our group project a poster about hypertension, exercises to be done to control it. we need to take picture of people jogging, walking, swimming and cycling. but since we went at 4 in the evening, there is of course, no one exercising. not mentioning it started raining after that. so this is some picture we take for a collection.



aini, me and wani



aisah, wani, aini, amirah



aisah, amirah, wani, aini



L(aisah) O(wani) V(aini) E(natalia)






big love from us





and some pictures from my visit to tasik at seksyen 7 with kak me


Monday, January 18, 2010

3 minggu di 2010

read it or not. i advise dont. it's too long and too boring....i'm serious.

2010 baru berlalu selama 2 minggu, dan berbagai masalah telah berlaku.
dugaan
tapi yg peliknya, masalah orang lebih banyak dari masalah lain.

masalah di antara roomates yg paling banyak. adakah saya termasuk? entahlah...

natalia bukanya org yg banyak fikir. lebih suka biarkan masalah dilupakan atau berharap masa akan menyembuhkan semua walaupun masa hanya akan membiarkan perkara tersebut dipendam jauh dalam hati mengakibatkan semua terbabit kekok...

memang natalia bukan insan sempurna...pernah bergaduh secara besar-besaran dengan seseorng yg natalia boleh fikir amat rapat dan kini? setiap kali memandang mukanya, terasa jauh sekali. tidak terkeluar apa yg ingin dikatakan. tidak seperti dahulu.

sedih juga rasanya, terkenangkan waktu dahulu yg rapat. bergelak ketawa, kutuk mengutuk watak di televisyen, berkongsi info2 terkini mengenai minat yg sama, dan kini, bukan malas utk mengetahui, cuma segan, dan malu dan rasa ego di dalam diri cukup tebal untuk meminta maaf. lebih-lebih lagi, ungkapan maaf itu patut dikeluarkan hampir 2 tahun dahulu. adakah perkataan maaf itu masih berfungsi atau sekadar ayat yg dibisikkan angin, tiada maksud, tiada makna, tiada perasaan.

wah, x ku sangka, berbunga jugak ayat natalia ni bila menaip...tengok mood lah kan katakan.

bersambung dengan 2010, minggu satu, dugaan pertama pabila ku mengetahui bahawa ku terpaksa berpindah kelas. memang tidak adil ku rasakan. ku cukup tidak puas hati. tapi bukan salah sesiapa. mungkin memang takdir. natalia rasa bersalah kepada ketua kelas sem nie. daus, natalia minta maaf. mujurlah rancangan itu batal. terima kasih kepada semua.

selepas itu, minggu kedua dimulakan dengan adengan pintu bilik terkunci. maaf aini, natalia lupa bagitahu kunci bilik natalia tinggal atas meja aini. mujurlah ada hasni, jannah, kak me n her friends who tried to help us. n thank god our RS in charge is very understanding that Sunday. hehehe. sorry aini.
sunday. in that 2nd week, ada 2 kawan ni terasa hati ngan roomates masing2. mujurlah satu dah lepas, satu lagi, masih bingun semua memikirkan. bukan niat kami ingin memulaukan, tapi sesungguhnya, kami tidak mengetahui apa yg patuut dilakukan.
bagi natalia, ingin berkata, memberi nasihat, diriku ini, bukannya sempurna, tidak layak. tapi marilah semua bermuhasabah, mengapa semua orng bertindak sedemikian kepada kita. there must be something that we did that they dont like. 2 semester as roomates, i started to think whether it's a bad idea or not since everyone seems to be upsets and sensitive already.

manusia mmg byk perangai.

assignments...
fuuuh, ada 5 assignments in the first week. pharmaco need to be sent on the 3rd week, exs. physiology poster sent on 22 january till 1st feb. suddenly, on friday, 15th, we just found out that the poster need to be sent next monday. arghhhh, so frustratingly frustrating. i already made plans to go home that weekend since mom, dad and amer came. and look? my group stayed up till 4.30 am just to finished up that poster which we found out the sme day the reason why the due date were taken forward. some other group has finished it way too early and our lecturer decided that everyone should sent it too. argh, the frustrations. especially when we took the poster for her to comments on saturday and she told us to show her again that poster on monday and we can sent it to her on thursday....oh well, anyway, i managed to return home, although no one is home anymore. but i got excited about the prospect of us goingt to seremban for a project. limited to 40. next saturday. happily i borrowed kak me camera and what did i found out today?

i found out that those who going are by their own transport. meaning only those who has transportation can go so? i cant go because i dont have a ride.
and today can be quite a hellish day, though i think its not that bad.... my thoughts.

poster finished for final editing and brought to show to her and her only comment, good, ok. make sure people can read it. not too small. less than 5 minutes...oh well.
other thing that i'm a bit upset is about HBU BPC internal conflicts...i really hope that all of our planned projects still can go on. and our BSMM is taking a good turn. other sad things is that, since i cant go to seremban this saturday, i really want to go home. what? i happened to like being at home. who didnt? but on saturday, there's HBU BPC's 1st class, and for sure, i need to go, with aini nonetheless. and i really dont think i want to repeat last weekend. and tomorrow is a bit upsetting. everyone wants to go to shah alam to print poster tomorrow evening since our class only till noon. and since i have class starts at 10.30 am on wednesday, i thought that maybe i can go home. but...even without i have that thought o going home, tuesday night is my taekwando class, but suddenly, i'm going to have a meeting of BSMM...so, being a wonderful and understanding companion, i pasrah...redho...and decided to stays at college and went to the meeting. but i told aini already that i dont want to go to shah alam. since if i went there, i'm going home. and i also decided that maybe i should started and finished up what i can do on our pharmaco assignment tonight...which later shows futile efforts since i cant get into ovid and read the pdfs...huh...what a day...

since i almost have a free night, alone in my room since aini have meetings, i decided to update my blog. how cool was that?
...

blablablabla

enough with blabbering. i really shoud starts thinking positively again, or starts thinking nothing since the more i think, the more frustated i've been more....

but anyway, there was things good that happened today...i've met long jst now, eventhough for only less than a minute,just to take the mineral water 2 boxes, i feel happy already. tq long.i'm drinking a bottle now.

and also thank you to my friends, mira, aini, wani, wawa, aisah, ayu and everyone who help me directly or indirectly. sorry for all of my mistakes today. i admit, i'm not in my best behaviour today...sorry aini. i think i really need to be more sensitive and starts acting on it, instead of ignoring it.

what a boring and long post....anyway, you can just skip it. nothing important...

taekwando demo

Taekwondo MGTF UiTM Puncak Alam Demonstration And Registration of New Members

Date: 13/1/2010
Time: 9.oo pm till 10.30 pm
Venue: Kompleks Kemudahan Pelajar Kolej Rafflesia, UiTM Kampus Puncak Alam

Participants:
• MGTF UiTM Kampus Puncak Alam members
• MGTF UiTM Shah Alam members who came
• Instructors
• Students who came

Activities:
• Basic kicking, punching performance (sitting style single/double/triple punch, stationary front/side/turning lick)
• Patterns (chajun-charigi, chon-ji)
• Demonstration of self defense (bare-handed, against knife)
• Demonstration of breaking woods
• Demonstration of group pattern (black belts)
• Registration of new members and information counter opens
• Give out coupons of colleges activities to those who came
• Small party for those who have been invited from UiTM Shah Alam

Some pictures:
(I’m not holding any cameras to take pictures since I’m in it and I totally forgot about asking anyone to)

(Me, Asmira and Yani)

About MGTF classes
Days and Times: every Tuesday and Thursday nights, every weeks, from 8.30 pm to 10.30 pm
Venue: 2nd floor Pusat Kemudahan Pelajar Kolej Rafflesia (just come upstairs and you’ll see us)

Anyone interested are welcomes to join.